Infidelity is always wrong.
That said it still happens. Sane, stable, responsible people fall out of line and make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes don't even seem as such.
You may think you would never be capable of doing something so wretched until you do. I did.
My entire marriage had always teetered but through all of its problems we managed to hold together. There had been early infidelities and lies at its start, but we knew love would get us through it. That's what we thought at least.
On A day in late July I broke my marriage vows and slept with another man. What's worse is that I became emotionally attached and continued to communicate with the individual on a near daily basis. A part of me was tethered to him even though he was miles away and we'd spent such little time together.
3wks later my husband found out and yanked me out of bed by the arm before throwing me at a wall by the throat and smashing my phone. It should have never happened but it was how he dealt with the shock right? People get angry, that's what I've told myself.
How long can that excuse last? Hours, days?
I went into hospital for an overdose. 56ssri's would seem to just leave you dazed for days after a bottle of active charcoal and I've fluids then it's back home. Questions are asked and you think, alright, be honest, he knows, the worst is out there.
He doesn't want your honesty. He asks for honesty but wants you to tell him what he wants to hear. Honesty only gets you dragged back out of the house and thrown into a car, driven to the sea where you're told you might as well go and walk into it. Once it's clear you actually would the doors are locked and you drive on.
There is no destination in mind it's just a controlled environment that can be sped up and jerked around in an attempt to get reaction out of you. When that fails there are more questions you shouldn't have answered honestly. This time honesty gets you a smack across the face and days later your cheekbone will still ache if you laugh, but you shouldn't laugh so maybe it's deserved. The next dose of honesty will be a fist connecting with your thigh followed by multiple whollops to the arm that extend across the ribcage.
You're still numb from the excess drugs in your system and sleep deprived because he keeps you up. Days later you will find you can not lie on your right side from the pain emanating from the bruising. Everything is still raw though, and the fault is still your own because it's not like your husband hits women regularly.
You know now that every answer needs to be thought out. That silence is not welcome, Honesty punishable, and Uncertainty infuriating. You don't know how you all got here but you know it started with your actions. You broke your vows. You brought this on yourself. These questions are now your burden and your actions and responses need to be the right ones.
